Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
