just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
where are my eyebrows?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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