So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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