I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
