You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
