I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
