Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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