My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
