Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
