Your mouth is God's brothel.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
