theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
