We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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