is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
