dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
