puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
