Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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