yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
