Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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