Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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