what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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