Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
