I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
