If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
