how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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