Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
