I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
