I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
