i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
