Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
