I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No subtext here. People are naked.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
