the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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