1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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