I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
