it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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