Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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