just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
