May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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