Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
