Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
