The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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