i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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