I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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