It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
