roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i dont even know how to be here
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
