I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
