I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
