The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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