He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
