...so i touched it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
