Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
