Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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