That's when you crack a 10am beer
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
YAS. BRING CRAB.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
