My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
