Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am available for nakedness
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
