hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
