I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
