somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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